My New Job

I figured I should probably catch everyone up on where we're at.  Last year in June, a month after graduating college, I found out that I was pregnant.  To say we were shocked is an understatement, but we were also excited and couldn't wait to meet our new baby.  My life plans changed within a second.  I thought I would be finishing out the summer as a softball coach and then starting a job teaching elementary in the Fall but God had other better plans!  I knew that I wouldn't be able to give my all as a first year teacher if I had to leave in January for maternity leave and I didn't think that was fair for my future classroom, so I looked elsewhere for jobs and started working in a daycare.  I loved working with kids again, especially the two year olds, and I thought for sure that I had found the perfect situation.  When I had our baby I could come back from maternity leave and still work and teach while my baby was in the same building as me.  I could see her on break and cuddle her and I thought that would make the transition as a mom/career woman so much easier.  The first time I held our daughter I felt that instant mommy feeling, the one where you want to spend every second loving and kissing on that little baby.  I stayed home with her and cuddled all day, everyday, for six weeks and then one Tuesday morning it was time; I packed her up and headed to work.  The night before I went to work I had that mommy guilt that said I shouldn't be doing this, but I, and my husband, thought it would pass pretty quickly once I was back in the groove of things.  The first day was miserable.  I cried all morning and counted down the minutes til I was done.  Day two went about the same.  I tried everything to make the days less miserable but all I wanted was to be a mom to my baby.  I hated the thought that someone else was comforting her when she cried, and as much as I didn't miss the dirty diapers, I even wanted to change those.  About a month after being back I sat my husband down after work and told him we really needed to talk.  I talked cried and rambled on for hours before my husband finally stopped me.  I never expected to hear him say, "Hun, I've been praying about it and I haven't felt like this was the right thing for our family.  I've just been waiting for you to let me know if it was what you wanted!" HALLELUJAH! I don't think I could have imagined that going any better!  I told my boss, tried to enjoy my last few weeks, and then I was finally home with my baby.

I expected it to be so blissful and perfect but it really wasn't, not at first at least.  We had just bought a house and were renovating it and the stress of that, on top of being the sole caregiver to a new baby, stressed me out.  It took a lot of talking to my husband and praying for me to realize that being a mom is more than good enough! I felt like I was failing by not using the degree I had worked so hard for but my heart was pulling so hard to be home with my baby and I knew it was the right thing! Now we're in our new house, we have a routine down, and 6 months after I started my new job, I'm loving it! Cwyn is 10 months and knowing that everyday since she's been born I've been the one caring for her is the best feeling in the world.  Watching her search for me in a crowd because I'm her constant makes all the struggles seem less important! Sure, it's definitely hard at times and I'm not always comfortable in this new role but it's the one I've chosen and been given and I'm going to cherish every second of it!